Just a little please..........

Just a little respect would be nice. This thought continued to haunt my mind the whole night that it robbed me my sleep and much needed rest.  Yesterday was Mother's Day, and for the first time in a few years, I became the most ignorant person I've ever been in my last decade.  Not that the day itself was a glory above everything else, it was just that I had let my mom wish me Happy Mother's Day first, and adding to the wound I surely caused my mom was, my indifferent reply to her.  I was too busy attending to my own life that I forgot the one person that made my existence possible.

I needed to redeem my mistakes.  My brother's suggestion to have a  Mother's Day dinner at nearby steamboat outlet was seen as a great way to do it.  As  much as I really wanted to make up for the lost training sessions during the weekend, I decided to give way to the one thing that possessed higher priority, have my rest.  That lethargic body, regretful mind and guilty heart, added to the indifferent response I got when confirming the dinner booking, led to quite a heated night.  

I might not be the most punctual person on earth, but when it came to family on occasion such as last night, and considering they made the effort to come all the way to a place nearer to us considering our need to retire early that night, the room for tolerance was much less than the usual thin ones. The last minute withdrawal, delivered with such a 'jolly and easy' way that was so wrong in terms of time and occasion, caused an explosion almost greater than the nukes during the WW II.  What came out was just small sparks, but still I knew it delivered greater impact than the full explosion.  Needless to say, the night went not that smoothly.  I was still unable to redeem my sin, in fact, I added more to the list by departing without a word of goodbye, not even a handshake.  I felt really, really bad.  Actually I couldn't even describe it at all.

Despite the bad things I had done, I didn't want to close my eyes without saying sorry to those I might hurt earlier.  I sent a message conveying my regret and apologize for the wrong.  I know it went straight through her without any impact whatsoever, but I needed to let her know anyway.  There are other things that I wanted them to know as well, that I wish they could understand, if not now, maybe someday.  Here you go..."Dearest, I know who I am to all of you.  Rest assured that I have never intended to replace anyone in your life.  I am here for who I know God assigned me to.  It's okay if you could never love me or look up to me the way you should to your parents.  That's exactly the very thing that you should do.  I never ask for your love, or trust.  Those are the things to be won, not asked.  I may sometimes act as your guardian, be it against your will, but my care isn't forced.  You are, for me, my family, even though you don't share the same perspective.  That's okay.  However, there is one little thing I ask from you.  Please have a little respect.  Although you may not consider my family as yours, as much as I wanted you to, just please, a little respect would suffice.  Sharing the same roof and yet I feel like I am a total stranger to you. Please, don't be.  You are never obliged to attend all the family occasions, though I would really hope and love that you will.  Whenever you don't feel like you want to, just please, have a little respect by telling me, politely, that you won't be there with us.  I hope this is not asking too much.  And I do really hope that if not now, someday, you will understand the importance of what I am asking here, to me, and all others like me."

Well, it is time to give another shot at getting my few hours of sleep.  I hope I will be lucky enough this time.  Good night.