Misunderstood

"Real growth is when you start checking and correcting yourself, instead of blaming others.  You take your power back by being responsible for your life"

This was supposed to be a motivational, life changing statement for me, not to demotivate or criticize others.  I posted this on my wall, a personal shout out, a public declaration, one that made to oblige me to follow through this vow until it is realized. 

But then again, I forgot that every one take a statement like this at their own personal face value, the one thing decided by their own personal experience.  What could boost my motivation could be damaging or degrading to others.  For this fact, I apologize to those I hurt, indirectly and unintentionally. 

Passing the 40 mark this month seems like a catalyst for me, bringing me to the next level of freedom of mind, will to live my life the way that I want and my perspective on life on how it treats me, and how I should react to it.  

The past years had been great, although challenging beyond comprehension, I still am standing strong today, stronger than ever.  I was weak and beaten, but that because I let life happen to me.  Now, I decided to make life happen.  I don't know what I mean by this, the only thing I know is that I want to take charge of what is happening in my life, instead of just sitting there and let the waves bring me to wherever they want.  Yes, life can be rough sometime, unfair far more often than otherwise, but in the end, it is how you handle it that determine your happiness.  You might have been unfairly treated, but dear self, stand up and stand firm.  Defend your ground.  They can do whatever they want, but remember, you can do whatever you want too, with your life, the one that you have absolute control.  If I keep on blaming others (as what I have been doing all these years), I find it difficult to look at life with much brighter sight, hence my happiness always kept at bay, away from my reach.  Near but so far away.  Can see but cannot touch. Can you imagine the pain?

It rooted to this one idea: You can't change others, but you can definitely change you.  I can't change others to suit my needs, but I can change my need of others.  Tougher still, I can even choose to stop needing others altogether.  It is my choice.  Not others.  My life, I am in charge, not others.  Having seen that, starting doing that, I can literally feel the power flowing back into my life.

A talk with an ex-classmate about life and family reinforced this to my mind.  We were similar in the sense that we suffered during those years we let others take charge of our lives.  We let others to dictate what we should and should not do. In other words, we let life happened to us, and we suffered. I have come to the age that taking charge is crucial. Never mind the unfairness around us, or misconception, misunderstanding, mis.. everything of others towards us, I won't be shaken off my ground.  I charge when I want, I defend when I feel the need, I apologize when I am wrong, or when  I see apologizing is better than fighting, I care, I love, I do everything in my own terms, not others.

Above all, I want to surrender everything to Him.  In the end, He is the one reason that I exist until today, no matter how weak or strong I feel, how beaten or glorified I might be, He is the one reason that never changed, at the beginning and the end.

I hope this clears the air, even though this needs no explanation at all, no obligation to write this, but I write this anyway, because I want to.  Just so you know, and be inspired.