It's 30th December 2018, the second final day of 2018. Since I don't think I will have time to write tomorrow, which I habitually do every end of the year, let's just do it now, while I still have the time and a little bit of idea what to write. Spoiler alert, there may be a bit of rerun, restatement of what I had written last year, but that's just a matter of emphasizing my point.
2018 is my year of coming out of my shell. I was a very reserved, meticulous and a bit of introvert. I couldn't stand to be in crowd, and that still valid until now. Nevertheless, despite that, there has been an almost 180 degrees of change in me, my attitude, my appearance and my self-confidence. Well, of course, my life since mid 2015 is all about fitness, my newly unveiled passion which now at the fiery, hot blazing stage. Every end of the year since 2015 (going into 2016) I set a fitness resolution.
2015 - A fit body with body weight to be around 45 kg.
2016 - Adding more muscle and definition, while maintaining the fit look. Allowing additional 3 - 5 kg addition.
2017 - More volume and strength. Protein intake to be allowed to supplement my growing need. Another 5 kg of lean muscle increase was allowable.
2018 - More volume then defining, preparing to take up my personal challenge to beat my own fear and crack my covering shell, to compete and pose on the stage. A bit of very low dose hormonal help is allowed.
Up until now, I am glad to share with you that every single fitness resolution I had set, was successfully achieved. Thank God for allowing me to grow despite so many negative views and barriers, I know what I want and I want it so bad. To tell you the truth, fulfilling those resolutions was not that easy, it was very hard, indeed. It takes a heart of steel and an equally strong determination to keep my eyes on the prize. My climax this year happened just a couple of weeks ago, where I competed in Mr. Borneo Women Physique. I didn't even qualify into the final, but in my heart, I am already a winner. I know where I was at, and for my less than 3 weeks prep, the body that I finally presented on stage was more than satisfying. It was quite an experience, the most important thing was I finally able to see the strength I was capable of showing. The dieting phase was the most horrible and the hardest for me, but I managed to get through it, successfully. After this, I know there is nothing I can't do, if I put my whole heart and effort into it. All this, however, was nothing without God allowing me the opportunity to compete. Usually, BB competition held on Saturday, or Friday Eve, which is my curfew. It was why I didn't take my preparation seriously, not minding my diet at all because the original date fell on Friday Eve. At the last minute, the competition was postponed to a later date, 16th December and I finally had no excuse not to try this time. So in less than 3 weeks I started and went through my prep, and the rest is history.
In my professional job, despite going through a bad phase in 2017, where our KPI was not achieved, 2018 was our team's complete turnaround. We managed to produce almost double the KPI with the team strength only 3, the smallest team in our department. I owe this to my dedicated team members. We had so many other works and despite that, I kept on pushing them and of course, as normal people do, sometimes they asked me to ease our work a little as it is tiring them to be on the race nonstop, but they did it anyway. That's a blessing I am forever grateful for. Of course, my advancement in my career halted a bit when I was offered a promotion to the next higher grade, but with the condition I couldn't bring myself to fulfill, moving to other state. I have to turn it down for the moment. I guess it was not my time yet.
At home, is a total different story. It was a mixed achievement. But if you have to ask me, I'd say I feel I failed my duty as a mom. I really do. I failed to be there for my kid, failed to comfort her when she needs me the most, failed to protect her, failed to prioritize her...simply put, I am not a good mom. This is my turn off, biggest one, in 2018. How will I make up for this, I have no idea yet. But I am determined to not letting this happen again in 2019. God bestowed her upon me to take care of, she is my responsibility, I will fulfill it to the fullest. God will help me to achieve this. This is my ultimate purpose so this will be my priority.
Other things, I can only pray that I will be the best version of me for them. I can't make everyone happy, but as much as I can, with whatever I have, I will try my best to make this world, how little it is, a better one.
So, Happy New Year, everyone. I pray you'll be showered with love, hope and joy. God bless
No comments:
Post a Comment