Why am I not happy?

I am not happy, yes, but it is not because of what others done to me.  A little insight into my recent life, I found the increasing demand and pressure I put on myself lately.  The standard I set for myself is getting higher every day.  Of course it is not a bad thing, it is a must-do to motivate myself to perform better. When setting a standard, one cannot avoid putting something or someone as a benchmark.  This is where everything gone wrong.

I put others as my benchmark, their achievement, success, look...everything.  Once in a while I can reach them or even surpass them, but as you achieve more, the more insatiable you become.  Then you hit the wall.  Those who once behind you now are catching up, and some even leave you behind.  That makes you try harder, but sometimes hard work does not translate into result, which stresses you even more.  I am making this mistake, at this moment, as I am typing this.  It is time to put a stop to this and reset.  Reset to where things were at their right places, where efforts put in the right ways, in just the right amount, the right time.

I used to be a lot happier.  I was as competitive as I am now. The only difference was I competed against myself, rather than against other people.  Watching a motivational video on how different people grow and move at their own time and pace, opened my eyes to my struggle.  I realize if I do not do anything about this, I will not be able to recover at all.

I am the only one in this universe that walk, talk and grow this way, this pace.  My achievement in life should be compared to those I had in my past.  My happiness in life, my family, should be compared to that I had years ago.  I should be happier if that is how I measure my happiness.  My finance too. My fitness goal, I have achieved so much, weighing 55kg now compared to just 44kg when I first started.  10 kg is a lot, in my fitness world. I should be happier, and more satisfied.  I won't stop, I just need to beat my yesterday self, every single day.  Tomorrow I will beat my today, and that will go  on and on, until my last breath.

So world, stop comparing me with others, I won't give a hoot.  The only person I want to beat is me. The only thing that won't be in the comparing ring my spiritual life.  Up and closer to Him is my one and only goal.  Other than that, let's get up and beat the older, past me.