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Yes, I am supposed to be that one friend who will listen to her friend.  Can't you see how much I love to be that person, be able to fulfill that responsibility every time I am needed?  Not everyone can see that, I know, but the truth is, I do.

I know I always whine about the loads of works I am bearing, and right now, it is reaching my limit.  I have impending dues, the climax of almost 3 years of work and yet I couldn't think at all.  My brain is blank, despite an overdue (of many) task.  My own annual personal work, all three of them actually ready to be finalized, just a few tweaks and posts here and there and viola, the final accounts will 'appear'.  Yet, they are hanging just like that with the closing date is just 10 days away. I have my duty as a mentor, and also assisting colleague and friend in their studies.  In normal circumstances, this won't cause me breaking a sweat, but right now, it is causing migraines and headaches.  Don't let me start with business with its financial and staffing problems.  I almost exploded when I received complaints from customers.  I hate backstabbers and this one case might just be qualified as one of them. My car is starting to cry for attention, and I know I need to take my 2-days unrecorded leave to attend to its need. Family and homes crave for the same, and yet where am I going to find time and strength to cover all that?

I am losing my ability to listen.  My ears are still attached to my head, my hearing is as good as ever and yet I couldn't process almost anything that is worth listening to and pondering about.  My emotions wrecked and literally run-down. I become more sensitive to small things.  It elevated the impact unnecessarily and caused me making bad decisions and drastic measures, which actually aren't supposed to be taken at the first place.

I want to pour all these concerns out to anyone willing to listen, but I am afraid of becoming redundant.  These things that weigh tonnes to me might seems far lighter in others eyes.  I am afraid of the response that I might get, that I seems to exaggerate things when in actual fact is that I am on the brink of saying 'It's enough, I couldn't take it anymore'.  I may appear strong, even hardheaded and cold-hearted egoistic maniac, but I am slowly crumbling down on the inside.  Those laughter and silly words are my shield and mask, but do tell me, until when?  Above all that, is the fact that I fully realized that others too, have their own problems and concerns, and that I shouldn't shove mine into their face, no matter how much they care for me.

I have only Him to run into.  His arms are always opened for me.  Sometimes in the midst of my run towards Him, I am afraid I wouldn't be able to make it into His arms, and that I might fall somewhere without ever reaching to Him. My only hope is that He will meet me halfway, and stop me from falling deeper and fades away from this world.

I pray that I will be understood.  Not that I choose to be deaf, but it's the noise of personal problems and concerns muted sound from outside of my head, that I wouldn't be able to function normally, as much as I'd love to.  I am in the phase of overreacting to even the smallest poke, please allow me time to calm down and settle down.  That is all I am asking.  World, please be kind to me.  Lord, You are my everything, everything I do is for Your glory.  Help me.